if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
