I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
