my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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