If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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