Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
