Please, let me fuck your mom
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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