Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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