what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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