bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
