This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
