drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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