I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
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Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
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mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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