She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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