When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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