So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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