Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
