I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
