I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
