I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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