That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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