I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
