He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
