Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
