Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
