i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
