He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
