best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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