I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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