Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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