I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
