i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
