and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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