Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
