She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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