we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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