Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'