dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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