I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There r osticjed everywhere
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
