Only a mothe r could love this liver
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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