I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
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I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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