The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
