She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
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I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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