He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
