That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
