i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
