apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
