It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
