Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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