dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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