Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
