I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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