I want to have your abortion
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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