If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize