Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
