Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
