So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
