She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
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