I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
