I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
