Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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