Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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