You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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