She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
