my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
