This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
