I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
