I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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