2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
too bad you live with your parents still
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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