dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
