cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
