I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
