The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
