i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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