After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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