How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
